the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i barfeds in our rink
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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