she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
