I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
