he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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