He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I have feelings that need drinking.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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