So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He felt like a one man threesome
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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