im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
