Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
