Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
