this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
