I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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