you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
