I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
