I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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