I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
