OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
