ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize