May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
