Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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