i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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