just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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