Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
