Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
