I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
and you said cock pushups were impossible
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
