as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
