get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
