did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
