Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
