Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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