I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
