after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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