Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
