kristin has been a bad kristin
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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