You made me cry and you don't even care
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
