omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
