The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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