Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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