I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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