I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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