Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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