I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
