last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
