North Korea, Best Korea!
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
