it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
