just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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