I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize