It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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