love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
