SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
