ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
