He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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