dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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