i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
