yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
