Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
