I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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