I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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