Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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