Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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