They should really pass out barf bags in church
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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