Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
