I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
