So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
