Why are handjobs necessary in class?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
