i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
he thought i was a dude.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
