woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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