Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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