I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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