I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
