...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
