Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
BRING THE BAGELS
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