New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
