Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
