My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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