ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I need a beard to bite.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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