FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
