please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
