Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
