guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
