I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
