I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My bed smells like the plague
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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