I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
