I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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