Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
