remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
